the author suggests values over feelings. values drives us in every cicrucmstance, just as the prophet muhammad has taught. emotion cripples us, as the yogis have shared. it's easy to fall in and out of love, as this is feeling based. but go with values. choose to love, and find all the obstacles within yourself in the way of it.
if i feel hurt by someone in class not offering me a ride, or ignoring me, or refusing to work with me, i can be proactive and speak with them instead of dismissing them as of concern and victimizing me and being messed up. thats alot of energy i'm putting into that person, and all passively. actively, i could check in with them, see how they are doing, ask them if my feelings are true. samee could be true about my education, i could sit and mope, or i could get as much out of it as possible. this is true with family. i can't expect mira aunty and others to feed me, but i could feed myself, or i could be proactive in eatting anyway, instead of pretending to not want, and being hurt. i could ask mira aunty why she doesnt want me to eat, instead of being a victim.
afterall, i continue to make choices, and am not crippled by the choices i made yesterday, which may have been governed by fear. my choice is to choose otherwise from my choices yesterday. how?
by geneuinely reflecting, and genuinely admitting to mistakes, and admit to them as soon as they happen. for instance, if i give the impression that i am not what i am and lead other people to believe something that is false, and i know this inside, i can correct it immediately, by addressing it imediately and deal with whateer reaction they have, afterall, at that point, it is their reaciton they have to deal with. i will and have an ability to respond from my values - love, compassion - responsibilty.
the key in doing this is to be proactive based on the values that are truth. and this means to "act, instead of being acted upon." work through whatever your issues are by being active in them. really active. be active in your relations. if you'd like to be closer to your friends, what are u doing to be closer to them? don't expect that they will. justt give and do from principles instead of reaction. of, they don't care about me, d didnt make time for me, so f him. give love.
"if our feelings control our actions, we've abdicated our responsibility."
yes. so, what am i doing to take responsilbity? being clear about my values. what are my values?
values:
-to be compassionate.
-to approach life as a Gift
-to listen
-to assume the best
-to pray
-to believe that every one of us is a manifestation of Essence
-to see myself in all
Love, is a verb, an action word, mean proactivity, meaning a choosing, and not a feeling. feelings lead to falling out of love.
choose to love by acting, always. love every minute, every day, every one around, instead of judging them and believing they are horrible because of even hurtful words that may make you feel disguised. e who u r and b honest about it.
change happens from the inside out. waiting for change to happen outside, in society, makes you a victim, a passenger. be a player, be involved. you are part of this, shape it. be proactive. this is what i admire in simian. he has shaped tremendously the class dynamic by being proactive. by sharing.
this will require me to subordinate my feelings to my values. put aside my hurt and anger and disappointment and fear of failure. all of it comes down to fear. put that aside. assume the best. operate from truth to arrive at your destiantion, all the time.
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